Love's the good word : Sabira and Chotu Merchant
Forty-four years of togetherness and Sabira and Chotu Merchant's romance blazes on, says Kshama Rao
There should be differences of opinion in a marriage," declares Sabira Merchant, 61. "Otherwise what's the
point?" After almost 44 years of togetherness, Sabira and husband Chotu, 67,
say tolerance and understanding make their marriage work.
Both the Merchants have their
own, very full lives. Sabira is best remembered for the 70s TV show, What's
the Good Word. Today, she is a noted stage personality, and an authority in
the fields of communication, etiquette and personality development. Chotu is a
Mumbai-based industrialist who deals in specialized glass packaging for the
pharmaceutical and cosmetic industry.
"On the one hand, I feel it's
been my entire lifetime, my marriage to Chotu," smiles Sabira. "On the other,
it all seems like yesterday." Chotu looks back on their journey together with
fondness. "Saby and I grew up together," he says. "She was 17-and-a-half and I
was 23-and-a-half when we got married."
Instant chemistry
"My father wanted me to 'see'
boys and I agreed to meet Chotu," says Sabira. The couple met at the Bombay
Gymkhana and dad come along as chaperone. Chotu had to ask his permission to
take her for a walk. "She had worn a simple, cotton sari," he says with a
smile. "I loved her eyes the most and she thought I was cross-eyed! Saby was
petite; in fact, all my earlier girlfriends had been petite. Her knowledge
beauty, the way she spoke, it attracted me."
The attraction was mutual. "I was
sexually attracted to him," eye, much to her husband's discomfiture. "I still
find him very attractive. The moment I went home, I told my father it had to be
him. I remember we first spoke about our families, then our likes and dislikes,
about this chummy group of friends I'd hang out with. There was nothing
'domesticated' about the way I spoke to him. I must have come across as this
independent, feminist girl." Chotu didn't mind.
Present perfect
"It was her birthday soon after
we started dating," remembers Chotu. There were no malls around then. "It was 8
am and I had to wish her. My sister gave me a silver mirror and comb she had
used just a couple of times. We rubbed it clean and gift-wrapped it." Later, he
confessed it was a used comb lest Sabira found his sister's hair in it! The
gifts only got better like giving her 50 roses on her 50th
birthday or buying her a new dress and teasing her, telling her it was for
someone else. He's the romantic while I'm practical one," says Sabira candidly.
"My head rules my heart."
You're the one
Chotu loves her the way she is.
"Why change her?" he asks. "Our relationship has always been very fluid. That's
the way it should be." Over the years, the couple have come to terms with their
differences. "I have changed so much of myself to accommodate her needs," says
Chotu. "When I was younger, I would play cards with the boys till midnight and
find Saby in bed, reading a book, waiting up for me. I felt bad that this young
woman, the mother of my children, was looking after their needs all day long,
and then waiting for me to come home." He gave up his cards, and hasn't missed
them one bit. "Once needs to accept each other's flaws and learn to live with
them," is Chotu's take. "Even 44 months together would be a strain otherwise!"
Crisis management
"We have gone through several
crises," says Chotu. These include Sabira undergoing surgery, the loss of loved
ones, and their son's bad marriage. But they survived it all, "only because we
have each other". "My Saby can handle any problems, any crisis," he says, every
inch the proud husband. "She can hold her own in any sphere of life. She
started learning about my business, understanding financial matters. She can
hold court with my bankers and accountants. She tells me she won't be able to
take my absence; but I'm sure when the time comes, she would tackle even that."
Sabira's not so sure. "It's very
difficult to imagine life without him, she says. "Partners in marriage are like
twins; their lives become intertwined after spending so many years together.
It's like you become one. When you wince in pain, you don't have to tell him
what's bothering you. He understands it. Even you unspoken words are
understood." That's chemistry.
Featured in Harmony Magazine
July 2004
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