The Prems of Los Angeles prove that it is not age but what you do with it that matters, writes Kamla Mankekar

Can an alien land help you rediscover your identity? Fulfil your quest for personal and intellectual freedom? Ask Prem Sauri Kishore. She has not only felt an exhilarating emancipation of self but revisited her cultural heritage with a new perspective since she moved to the US. “I fell in love with India after coming here. Rituals, food, music, dance, landscapes, history and culture—everything resonated with a new meaning,” says this multitalented grandmother who has made Los Angeles her home. At 76, she radiates energy, ready to jump on the next available flight to zoom around the world. Prem feels more at home here than she has felt anywhere else, including her land of birth, India. Perhaps, she has reasons for feeling so.

Her Christian family from Andhra had settled in a predominantly orthodox Brahmin neighbourhood in Chennai. “My house was in the vicinity of Parthasarthy Temple,” recalls Prem. As a child, she watched Hindu rituals and customs and wore Kanjivaram silks, gold-bordered skirts and choli, the traditional dress of young Hindu girls in the southern parts of the country. As she entered teens, she opted for saris rather than Western dresses and skirts. She wore full-sleeved blouses, colourful bangles, and strings of fragrant jasmine in her long hair. Strong-willed with an independent mind, she carved her own path in life.

Prem comes from a family of medical professionals and her parents expected her to tread the same path. Before she joined university, Prem’s parents sent her to Vellore for vacation with an aunt who worked at the Christian Medical College & Hospital. They wished to expose her to the ethics and spirit of service ingrained in the medical profession. Prem, however, chose literature for her college degree.

In her pre-degree class in Ethiraj College for women, Chennai, Prem Sauri had a friend, Dolly, who often borrowed books for her brother from her. The brother too was named Prem—Prem Kishore, called Bobby by his family and friends. When Prem joined Madras Presidency College for her degree course, Bobby too enrolled there, having selected the same subjects. He admired her but did not have the courage to approach or talk to her. On Sundays, he would wait near Prem’s house to watch her walk to church, dressed in her colourful saris. “We met face to face much later, almost a year after I joined college,” recalls Prem. “One of our professors had sent Bobby to my house with a message about a book exhibition.”

Bobby’s father had a shop selling ball bearings; he wanted his son to join the business. Bobby, however, wished to go for higher studies. He wrote a letter to Prem, seeking her advice. Over time, the correspondence became intimate and Bobby proposed marriage. Prem accepted. Her father was outraged: “I will kill the fellow,” he shouted. His wife pacified him. “You know your daughter, she said, she will get what she wants,” recounts Prem.

In accepting Bobby’s proposal, Prem knew what she was getting into. His family was not happy. They were light-skinned, north-Indian Punjabi Hindus, orthodox in their religious beliefs and colour-conscious. His mother, however, was affectionate to the dark-skinned daughter-in-law with high cheekbones and love for dance and music. The rest of the family was sceptical; ‘love marriage’ did not figure in their dictionary. “But we survived,” says Prem. While Bobby worked in his father’s shop, Prem took assignments with All India Radio as a newsreader, reviewed Tamil films for Screen, a film weekly published from Mumbai, and occasionally did assignments for The Hindu.

In 1985, a Dubai-based friend of Bobby mentioned a possible opening for Prem as assistant editor in What’s On, a magazine published internationally. “It was a comfortable life in Dubai, with good money and many friends,” recollects Prem, adding, “but our hearts were set on the US.” They had applied for a US immigration visa before moving to Dubai. Their papers came through in 1989 and they soon left for Los Angeles, where a relative of Bobby was in the real-estate business. Bobby joined his business as a property management officer while Prem was first hired as a receptionist but was soon promoted as a leasing specialist. Bobby held the job for 23 years, “successfully dealing with a range of personnel involved in the construction and property leasing and sales business”, says Prem with pride.

Prem had to work hard to create a niche for herself in the new environs; her immediate boss, a white American, harboured a prejudice against Asians, especially South Asian women. With her wit, hard work and optimism, she won his confidence and today he is her “rakhi bhai”. Indeed, while America was a culture shock for Bobby, it brought an exciting sense of freedom to Prem. “At last I was being accepted for what I was; I took to life here as a duck takes to water,” she says with a twinkle in her eye.

I first met Prem at a potluck lunch organised by one of her friends to introduce Prem’s newly published cookbook, India – A Culinary Journey, which has recipes from different parts of India. The invitees, all Americans, were asked to select a recipe each from the book and bring the prepared dishes for the luncheon. Some of them had preferred to cook at the venue, the large backyard of the hostess’s house. It was much fun and at the end of the luncheon, Prem explained the nutritional values of the selected dishes.

The Prem Kishores have two daughters, Anuradha (Anu) and Sangeeta. Anu has imbibed her mother’s love of dance and music. Los Angeles provides a fertile ground for nurturing arts. A Bharatanatyam dancer, Anu took a degree in dance anthology from UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles). Besides other positions, she has served as director of World Festival of Sacred Music in Los Angeles for over a decade and is currently director of marketing and publicity for Aratani World Series of Music and Dance. Much of her work is based on interdisciplinary and intercultural research that supports performing arts events, artist residencies and festivals. She is married to Chetan Ganpati from Coorg, who is with the IT department of UCLA. Sangeeta married Nasir Mohammed from Pakistan. The couple, who met in India, now lives in Switzerland. Mohammed is in the travel business. Prem and Bobby spend three months with them every other year.

The Prem Kishores’ quest for learning is never ending. Post-retirement, Bobby is studying the intricacies of the real-estate business and is marketing manager for a firm selling a popular brand of dates. In retirement, Prem is more busy than ever before; she writes for various journals published in the US for the Indian community, lectures on Indian culture, food habits, and history; volunteers to read for the visually impaired; teaches at coaching institutes; and serves on community boards.

Age happens, Prem Sauri Kishore says, but it is what you do with age that matters.

Mankekar is the author of Breaking News: A Woman in a Man’s World, which chronicles her experiences as a pioneering woman journalist in India

Pic courtesy: Prem Kishore
Featured in Harmony — Celebrate Age Magazine
November 2016