Coming from an orthodox Tamil Brahmin family, I did all the right things by my scientist husband and three boys. Through years of cooking tons of sambar and mounds of idlis and dosas, cleaning and keeping our house, and being a good wife and mother, my husband learnt of my love for dance and encouraged me to pursue my passion.

Once my responsibilities were done, I set about finding a good dance teacher who could go beyond my age handicap and teach me Bollywood dancing—my favorite genre! There were more than enough relatives and friends to discourage me, and remarks about learning dance ‘at my age’ were commonplace.

In 2008, when I was 51, I reached out to an accomplished dancer, Ambika, of Rangmanch Studio at Himayatnagar, close to where I live. I was trying to get some of my friends to join the dance class but they backed out. Disappointed, I almost withdrew but Ambika sat me down and encouraged me to fulfil my dream. She told me, “It is your dream; you do not need friends to help you. Just focus and you can learn and perform.”

I conquered all my fears and apprehensions and found myself enjoying the experience. I also realised I could dance quite well! One day, Ambika said I was ready for my solo on stage. I was terribly anxious but equally excited; with Ambika as my anchor, I stepped onto the stage on 2 June 2009. My husband and children attended my performance, which encouraged me to give my very best.

After that, there was no looking back. At my second son’s wedding, I danced along with my husband, who was happy to be taught by Ambika. Although South Indian weddings have none of the song and dance typical of most North Indian weddings, my love for dance overcame my respect for tradition. My husband and I, and my son’s friends, danced to our heart’s content. I am quite sure a few traditional eyebrows must have gone through the roof!

I have emerged from the shackles of tradition in another way as well. I have been brought up to wear a sari ever since I was 15 years old. After I got married, my parents-in-law allowed me to wear the salwar kameez. But when I visited the US for the first time in 2005 to meet my eldest son, I agreed to wear jeans on my kids’ urging. When I came back to India, the jeans were shelved. They came out again for my dance class, where everyone else was wearing them. Ambika and all the young students encouraged me to switch over for comfort.

My frequent trips to the US have made me realise that our lifestyles are so different. In the US, people live for themselves, while in India everyone believes it is their prerogative to advise you on how to live after the age of 60. You will be told that you need to go to the temple, sing bhajans or listen to them, and watch lots of soap operas on TV, when you are not helping with the grandchildren!

Speaking of bhajans, I have done my share. I have learnt Carnatic music and I often sing at temples and other religious gatherings. I can happily claim that I am physically and mentally fit, thanks to my music and dance sessions. I also go to the gym regularly and find great satisfaction in dancing for an hour, non-stop!

It would be wonderful if every woman in India made this extra effort to tap into her own potential and make herself happy. She would then not need any TV, or gossip sessions, and she would definitely not feel sorry for herself!

—Bhuvaneshvari Thyagarajan, Secunderabad

Photo: Shyamola Khanna
Featured in Harmony — Celebrate Age Magazine
April 2017